Welcome! Welcome! Today we are offering you wonderful audience members a sneak peak! of a delightful new game guaranteed to make your day thrilling and unforgettable!
RUSSIAN ROULETTE!!!!
Yes. Yes, indeed! Are you tired of the same old boring existence? Well, wait no more! With this new! new! new! form of entertainment, excitement will be your watchword! Brought to you by that long-time favorite, all-encompassing, promise-you-anything-to-get-you-to-buy-into-our-world organization, Uncle Sam, Inc.™, we pinky-swear that this is the best thing evah! since sliced bread!
This Safe and Effective™ game is guaranteed to eliminate any-and-all symptoms of ennui!
I hold before you this elegantly crafted revolver, made of the shiniest and finest stainless steel! As you can readily see for yourself, this open cylinder holds six slots or chambers. I…carefully…insert one—and only one!—bullet into the cylinder. Then, thusly, I give the cylinder a brisk **spin!!!**, hold the barrel up to the temple of this stalwart and upstanding volunteer we selected and brought up to the stage from the audience, aannddd…PULL THE TRIGGER!!!
CLANG!!!
And nothing happens! Just as we promised! Safe and Effective™!!!
Tell me, sir: when you heard that hammer slam down, was your heart racing? Was your pulse in your ears? Were you sweating in sweet anticipation?
Of course, you were! GONE was boredom. GONE was indifference. GONE was any sense of a humdrum life.
Why, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, has the same overwhelming chance to change your life! Forever! Only one-in-six of our contestants will find a small slug of lead exploding in his brain! And that is just on average! If you are one of the lucky ones, you can play this game multiple times and come away unscathed!
But wait! There’s more!
Because we looovvveee love love our audience members so much, we are offering—FREE OF CHARGE!—this once in a lifetime upgrade! As you can see for yourself, this NEW! NEW! NEW! version of our game is UPGRADED to a cylinder with EIGHT! count ’em EIGHT! slots! At no extra expense to you!
Just imagine the outstanding times that await you! Seven out of eight times playing our innovative game, you will walk away invigorated! beyond your wildest imaginings! Why you should be paying us for this unique opportunity to escape your melancholy life!
Just as we promised! Excitement around every corner!
And just so NO ONE! is denied this glorious experience, we have crafted agreements with a wide range of private and well-known and respected establishments to help spread the word!
ALL VOLUNTARY! OF COURSE!
To encourage you to step out of your ruts, these civic-minded organizations have decided—solely on their own! with no input from us!—to ask that you play this NEW AND IMPROVED! Russian Roulette as a condition of employment! Or to enter their stores! Or their hospitals! Or grocery stores! Or churches! Or to ride their planes, trains, and automobiles! Or to receive products and services from Uncle Sam, Inc.™!
And much! much! more!
And as always! Entirely your choice, of course!
So join us now or join us later! It’s never too late to have fun!
Remember: EVERYTHING IS SAFE AND EFFECTIVE™!
And stay tuned for another original game—coming soon!—from Uncle Sam, Inc.™, THE JAB!
[Uncle Sam, Inc.™ is not responsible for side-effects, up to and including death. We are immune from responsibility and lawsuits. Mandatory everywhere. “Choice” is what we say it is. Why? Because we say so.]
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Amazon
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YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/user/1maxruss